For Future Me - Break Up Day 5

Hi,
It’s 7.51 pm here.

I called as the grief of last hug memory.
I was in my uncle house for Lebaran tradition visit.
They were talking a lot of things.
Everybody looked exited and happy.
I sat in front of the house and suddenly remember our last hug.
I’ve never thought it would be our last hug.
My chest was suddenly hurtful.
Felt so empty and full of regret
I wrote long text to someone.
So i would not text him about my feeling.
I promised him i promised to not share my feeling to him.

I will hold my promise.
I will.

My dear future me, so if you read it and forgot how it was.
How the last hug was.

It was Sunday afternoon - 28 April 2019.
Before my flight back to surabaya.
I came to his place.
To had lunch together.
Spent lil time before i went back to surabaya.
He was unpacking his luggage, just back from Korea, when i arrived there.
He gave me some cute socks, favorite sweet snacks, sheet masks, perfume and bag for my mom.

After spent around 3 hours.
My taxi came pick me up to airport.
We hugged each other.
I was holding my tears, but couldn’t help to not cry.
He asked “hey, kenapa? Sedih karna ketemunya masih lama?”
I hugged him tight and said yes...

And a month after that.
It was our last hug.
If i knew it would be our last hug.
I would hug him tighter and longer.
And said i do love him so much.

Today...
The grief for our last hug...

It’s ok to cry.
I had evening conversation today with my uncle.
I couldn’t hold my tears, when he asked about him.

It’s ok to feel every sadness and it’s ok.
Feel it, it’s a grief.
Step by step.

Thanks for crying, thanks for being honest to yourself.
I hope, dear future me.
You’re stronger person now.
I promise to you to no chase him as much as before.
I do apologize for hurting you a lot.

Sincerely,
You - 7 June 2019